Have fun.
Be safe.
Eat candy.
The intersection of feminism and life
Have fun.
Be safe.
Eat candy.
The Huffington Post started a new feature called The Big Picture. It is quite simply that: big pictures of celebrities. In these high def images you can see lines, makeup smudges and peach fuzz on famous faces. These are the same people we usually see airbrushed and softened to perfection. So far the site has featured Lindsey Lohan, Sting and Elizabeth Hurley.
The HuffPo doesn’t say on its site what the point of the feature is, leaving us to believe it is merely a grab for readers and not a statement on the entertainment industry and body image.
If it’s supposed to be an honest look at the stars, it fails. The pictures might be up-close and hi-def but the celebrities have still been made up, fluffed and styled to perfection –something a “real ” person doesn’t have access to before heading out for say, oh I don’t know, a PTO fundraiser.
If it’s supposed to shock us, leaving us gasping, “Lindsay has pores!” It fails. We knew Lindsay had pores because we have pores. And so do our sisters, friends and neighbors. The entertainment industry may feed us beautiful images every day but we are also exposed to the real deal in the office, at the grocery store, and in the mirror. We have been desensitized to epidermis.
If it is designed for us to trash the celebs in the comments section on the site, we won’t. What negative comments can we possibly make about Elizabeth Hurley’s looks? And why would we waste our time criticizing the supermodel who received the Humanitarian Award from the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, when we have a much bigger problem on our hands.
Tagging– on Facebook!
With its Big Picture feature, the HuffPo proves it is out of touch with the average American woman. We don’t give a rat’s ass about some millionaire, Hollywood star with lipstick on her teeth. We are much more concerned that, oh say…hypothetically… our BFF tagged us in a photo where our eyes are shut, our chins are multiple and our outfit conjures up images of Debbie Gibson circa 1989.
Ladies, where’s the love?!?
(Trigger Warning) There was nationwide outrage and heartbreak yesterday as more details emerged and several arrests were made in the case of the 15 year old girl who was raped and beaten outside a high school dance. Due to the fact that many (10, 12, 20?) onlookers watched and cheered while the girl was attacked, the incident has grabbed our attention.
Sadly, this was not the only case of gang rape in the news. Several others were written about, mostly in local newspapers, but will probably never make the national spotlight or will fade away as soon as a different story takes their place.
-A 16 year old girl testified she was kidnapped and raped in Santa Rosa by three men.
-Earlier this month, three men were sentenced to life in prison for a gang rape in Florida.
-And then there was the woman who was raped by her Halliburton/KBR coworkers in Iraq. Apparently, she was not the only defense worker attacked. But this story made headlines when Senator Al Franken proposed an amendment that would withhold defense contracts from companies that restrict employees from bringing charges of assault to court. Read more here about Franken’s amendment and the 30 Republican senators who opposed it.
The presence of bystanders in the Richmond rape scares us and makes us question humanity. But every violent attack, including this one, calls for outrage –regardless of the headlines. One in six women and one in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
As parents, we wonder how we can protect our children and how we can raise our sons and daughters to have compassion and respect for human life. For more facts on rape and information on prevention and victim support, visit RAINN, The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. For information on violence against women, visit the U.S. Department of Justice Office of on Violence Against Women.
(We decided to lighten things up today. So for your reading pleasure, a love story.)
I’m lying in bed with my husband and he starts talking about how he could really go for a great filet. “Is there anything coming up,” he asks, “where I could ask my Mom to babysit and we could go out for a steak dinner?”
“Think,” I say, “Think.”
“What?”
“We could go on a date.”
“Oh, I know that,” he says. “But I’d rather kill two birds with one stone. I know. We can go out for Valentine’s Day. Early.”
It’s October.
“It’s so hard to get a reservation on Valentine’s Day,” he reasons. “This way we wouldn’t have a problem and we wouldn’t have to fight the crowds.”
Silence.
“Isn’t there a Smith & Wollensky’s nearby?”
Shut up.
Heartbreaking, horrific news out of Richmond, California. A 15 year old girl was gang raped outside a school dance while at least a dozen people watched.
I can’t begin to fathom what went through the minds of the rapists or the onlookers. But I can tell you, crimes like this reinforce why we cannot tolerate sexist, demeaning treatment of women. No tolerance for “It’s just a joke, lighten up.” Or “It’s just a costume, what’s the harm?”
(Trigger warning) This link will take you to an excellent post on Shakesville that defines rape culture and outlines the different things that contribute to that culture. If you can read it, I recommend it.
I took my five year old daughter shopping for Halloween costumes yesterday. Our choices were: any of the Disney princesses, Hannah Montana, slutty princess, slutty witch, slutty pirate wench, or slutty vampy-looking-non-descript-slutty-girl. Did I mention my daughter is five?
I am far from the perfect mother. Heck, I procrastinated on buying the costume until just days before the school parade. And I am far from the perfect feminist mother. After all, I let my daughter play with Barbies and watch Disney movies. But I do talk to her about the sexism and commercialism these brands promote. My lectures go right over her head and she usually responds with, “Mom, you’re weird.” But I am hopeful they will eventually sink in.
I see Hannah Montana on the Disney channel. I know that sexualization of young girls is pervasive in marketing and media. But I just assumed that as a mother I wouldn’t have to deal with that until my daughter was a tweener. But five? Why? Who buys these costumes?
This. Is. Not. Cute. (Click on the story headline to see images.)
And. This. Is. Not. Necessary. 
I left the Halloween store one part disgusted by the oversexed images of the little girls on the costume packaging and one part furious that girls are given such poor choices at such an early age. Little ladies, you can be a princess if you are pretty, perfect and blonde, or you can be a wench, if you are brunette and a little bit wicked.
Let little girls be little girls. And help them see that, when the time is right, they will grow up to be more than just naughty or nice.
Epilogue: My daughter decided to dress up as Daphne from the Scooby gang –we bought a wig, a shift dress and some groovy accessories. I tried to persuade her that Velma was the better choice; she’s smarter. But, alas, I am fighting a powerful media message that tells her looks trump all.
Recently I helped organize a big community event. It was planned and hosted by a group of citizens and a town committee, on which I serve. I observed a few things during the process about me and other women.
The idea for the event came from two very smart men who shared their vision and their passion and got others on board. A young woman stepped up and organized the group as it was clear these two men were not strong in the detail department. The woman ran the planning sessions, sent group emails, kept us all on task, and did most of the leg work.
At the event, the women from our team took on facilitating and coordinating roles. We directed, multitasked and worked behind the scenes to make sure the event ran smoothly. The men on the team took the time to make speeches, greet the local politicians who showed up, and speak to the media and pose for photo opps. The women were not pushed out of the limelight—we had equal opportunity to speak and and to network. We didn’t take it.
When the event ended, I watched one of the men on our team, someone who had worked hard but no more so than anyone else, give interviews with several reporters. The young woman who had led the day’s efforts was across the hall breaking down the exhibits and cleaning up. No one in the media asked to speak with her because they didn’t know she existed.
Although the event was a success, and I made new friends and am proud of our team’s accomplishments, I have decided I will never volunteer like that again. Like so many women I know, I am not motivated by getting the credit. I am a little bit shy about speaking in public and standing in the spotlight. I get satisfaction from doing my best and I happen to be very good at getting things done. However, I have finally figured out at forty-something that only working behind the scenes is not enough. In doing so, I am doing a disservice to other women.
You see, while I talk about the importance of women leaders in politics, community-building and business, I have been hiding, along with so many other capable women. Ladies, we need to put a face on women’s leadership. We need to get out in front so that other women will be more likely to get involved; so that young girls have role models; so that men looking for committee chairs, candidates, and board members, will know we are capable and available.
So the next time my committee takes on a project, I will still work hard behind the scenes but I will also get over my self-consciousness and volunteer to speak at the event. I will still arrive early to set up and stay late to clean up, but I will also stop running around long enough to speak to the distinguished guests, give the media a quote and enjoy the moment. If someone asks me my role in the event, I will not deflect attention but will instead take my due credit. I’ll try not to worry that others may think I am power hungry.
Ladies, we know it takes both the visionaries and worker bees to make the world run. We’ve read the reports and seen the evidence that diversity is good for business, for community, and for politics. So what are we waiting for? If we don’t step out in front how can we expect our neighbors, our mothers and our daughters to do it?
Are you with me?
I have another video share today. But before you watch it, place a pillow on the ground. That way, when your jaw hits the floor, it won’t hurt.
Ladies, what year is it? I thought it was 2009: the year women surpassed men on the national payroll, the 21st century, an era when having lap dancers at work was not okay.
I must be wrong. At a recent company event, Yahoo offered lap dancers as entertainment. The gathering was Open Hack Day in Taiwan, an event were developers get together to foster creativity. While most of the images and videos from the event have been removed from the web, Adam Lindsay at www.alt.posterous.com still has footage. (Link shared via a Creative Commons license.) The event was made up of “mainly” male developers. Can you imagine what it was like for the women in attendance?
Granted, Yahoo has offered an apology (not a quasi-Pepsi-type-apology-either) which you can read here. But I, for one, am sick of bad behavior followed by the obligatory sorry statement. Let’s just lose the bad behavior to begin with.
Back in my corporate days, the men were careful enough to pull this crap off site. There was my charming coworker at one company who would take his lunch break across the street at a “gentleman’s club” everyday. His regular order: a cheeseburger and a lap dance. I always tried to schedule our meetings in the morning. I was too creeped out to spend my afternoons with him.
And then there were my guys at the next job. After our management team dinners (I was the only woman on the team) they would bid me goodnight and head over to the strip club. Annoying? Slightly. Just how much can a woman bond with the team when the bonding involved dollar bills and seedy night clubs? Infuriating? Yes, when they EXPENSED their night out.
Update: and speaking of Pepsi. They pulled the Amp app.
Writing about women can be challenging sometimes because you hear about so many things that drain your energy. For example, there was a story in yesterday’s USA Today about a gay high school girl who wore a tuxedo in her yearbook photo. Girls at the school are traditionally photographed in drapes and boys in tuxedos. However this girl feels more comfortable in a tuxedo. Officials in the Copiah County School District in Mississippi refuse to put her photo in the yearbook. It is hard to understand why these school administrators hold so tightly to their rigid definitions of what is and is not okay. What are they afraid of?
And then there was this sad tale from RH Reality Check: insurers denying women health insurance based on a pre-existing condition – rape. Many think healthcare reform is a political issue and many more are making it a political issue. But for women, healthcare reform is an equity issue. Learn more about women and health insurance. If you’ve ever been unable to afford treatment, if you’ve ever had a c-section, if you need or needed maternity care, if you’ve been a victim of domestic abuse, if you are a woman, you need to know.
And now, because you have read this far when all we’ve offered you is draining news and a plea to stay informed, please accept this small gesture as a token of our appreciation. It is intended to bring a smile to your face and recharge you. From Glee, enjoy.
“Our ability to accessorize is what separates us from the animals.” – Steel Magnolias
I am an accessories girl. So this season I have my eye on the Verdura cuff The House of Chanel is releasing in honor of the famous jeweler’s 70th anniversary. Chanel will issue a limited edition collection of 70 cuffs, 35 of which are signed and numbered. The price tag is around $29,500 –each. I love the Fulco cuff. Love it. But I refuse to buy one. Because this season I am banning Chanel. (Unlike every other season when I just can’t afford Chanel.) 
Why? Because last week, German fashion magazine, Brigitte, said it was no longer going to use professional models in its editorial. Instead, the magazine is looking for “real women” with whom who readers can better identify. Apparently the editors are also tired of photo shopping the models to camouflage their protruding collarbones.
Well, in response to the Bridgette team’s news, Karl Lagerfeld, head designer for Chanel, told another German magazine, Focus, that “No one wants to see curvy women,” and, “You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”
So while some in the fashion industry are working to promote healthier body images, others, like Lagerfeld, are not. And speaking of Photoshop….
When it comes to accessories, shoes are my absolute favorite. This season I have my eye on the Carminda boot from Ralph Lauren. These boots are fabulous: brown burnished leather, pointy toes and 4 inch heels. But alas, I will not buy them. No, not because they cost $1200. Nor is it because there is no way this fat, chip-eating, TV-watching mother can get them over her calves. It is because this season I am banning Ralph Lauren.
Ralph Lauren, you see, doesn’t use Photoshop to plump up its models. No, they use Photoshop to distort their models. Apparently size zero women are just too fat for their campaigns. They prefer size physically impossible. 
The company did apologize after this photo shopped image (Eds. note: Images will not appear on Hello Ladies homepage. Click story headline to see the picture.) caused an outcry on the Internet. But now there is news of another retouched image causing a stir.
I am tired of these men dictating what is fashionable to women. So, next time you see me, I will be naked, holding a Burberry umbrella and drinking a Diet Coke.
