Shoes and Other Fun

Fall Fashion Trend: Naked with a Burberry Umbrella and a Diet Coke

October 21, 2009
By

“Our ability to accessorize is what separates us from the animals.” – Steel Magnolias

runwaymodelI am an accessories girl. So this season I have my eye on the Verdura cuff The House of Chanel is releasing in honor of the famous jeweler’s 70th anniversary. Chanel will issue a limited edition collection of 70 cuffs, 35 of which are signed and numbered. The price tag is around $29,500 –each. I love the Fulco cuff. Love it. But I refuse to buy one. Because this season I am banning Chanel. (Unlike every other season when I just can’t afford Chanel.) Verdura ivory enamel cuffs (small)

Why? Because last week, German fashion magazine, Brigitte, said it was no longer going to use professional models in its editorial. Instead, the magazine is looking for “real women” with whom who readers can better identify. Apparently the editors are also tired of photo shopping the models to camouflage their protruding collarbones.

 
Well, in response to the Bridgette team’s news, Karl Lagerfeld, head designer for Chanel, told another German magazine, Focus, that “No one wants to see curvy women,” and, “You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly.”

So while some in the fashion industry are working to promote healthier body images, others, like Lagerfeld, are not. And speaking of Photoshop….

When it comes to accessories, shoes are my absolute favorite. This season I have my eye on the Carminda boot from Ralph Lauren. These boots are fabulous: brown burnished leather, pointy toes and 4 inch heels. But alas, I will not buy them. No, not because they cost $1200. Nor is it because there is no way this fat, chip-eating, TV-watching mother can get them over her calves. It is because this season I am banning Ralph Lauren.
Ralph Lauren, you see, doesn’t use Photoshop to plump up its models. No, they use Photoshop to distort their models. Apparently size zero women are just too fat for their campaigns. They prefer size physically impossible. RL Photoshop

The company did apologize after this photo shopped image (Eds. note: Images will not appear on Hello Ladies homepage. Click story headline to see the picture.) caused an outcry on the Internet. But now there is news of another retouched image causing a stir.

I am tired of these men dictating what is fashionable to women. So, next time you see me, I will be naked, holding a Burberry umbrella and drinking a Diet Coke.

The Universe: Things Unseen and Bigger Than My Thighs

October 16, 2009
By

exerciseI believe the Universe sends us signs. If we pay attention to those signs and recognize them for what they are, they can guide us in the right direction.  Some people pretend the signs are mere coincidences even though deep down inside they know the truth. Not me. When the Universe talks, I listen. And lately, the Universe has been sending me some LOUD messages.

You see, recently, I started to exercise. This is something I do every 18 months and it usually lasts less than 18 days. Fourteen days is usually my longest stint. But things seemed different this time-for starters I didn’t spend any money. Usually I spend a few weeks prepping and shopping. I buy memberships, new workout clothes, proper (albeit ugly) footwear, and books about whatever sport I have decided to try. I take a few more weeks to read about my new exercise program and then I begin. And then, I quit. But this time, I set a goal for myself and I really wanted to achieve it.

I worked out for two weeks and then I got my first sign– I got sick. I certainly couldn’t exercise if I wasn’t feeling well. Nope, there was nothing I could do but take medicine and wait it out. I admit, I didn’t recognize the sign – not at first. So, when a week later I was feeling better I gave myself a few days to mentally prepare myself and then one day I exercised again.

However, the very next day I dropped a very heavy object on my toe. Now I can’t put any weight on my foot and it hurts like hell. Needless to say I can’t exercise today and probably not tomorrow. I am losing valuable time to meet my goal.

At first I was slightly disappointed and then I was slightly relieved. And then, I realized these were signs. I don’t need to exercise! Okay, well I do, but I am not meant to exercise! I would be a fool not to listen to the Universe, to things unseen and bigger than my thighs.  Off. The. Hook.And then another thought occurred to me. Maybe the Universe is sending me a different message. Maybe ,the message is to persevere despite the obstacles. Maybe I am supposed to reach my goal, no matter what gets in my way.

 Oh. Crap.

Facebook: People Magazine for the Rest of Us

October 13, 2009
By

redcarpetIs anyone else over Facebook? I am so over Facebook. I don’t really have a problem with the social networking site itself. But the status updates – make them stop. In my small circle of friends anyway, Facebook has turned into the celebrity “mom” profile in People or Ladies Home Journal.

You know those horrible profiles I am referring to – the ones about Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones and how fabulous their lives are, and how complete motherhood has made them, and how easily they got their pre-baby bodies back, and how wonderful their marriages are, and how fulfilling their careers are, and how those careers take a back seat to parenting but yet they still make seven figures? Besides the fact that those profiles are complete and utter bullshit, they do a disservice to women.

It is not helpful for the media to bombard us with messages about perfect women, with perfect bodies, living perfect lives, with perfect spouses. What’s the point? These stories omit the parts about the personal trainers and nutritionists who helped the celebs get back in shape, or the fact they are getting paid big bucks to get those bodies back, or the house staff and personal assistants and nannies helping them balance work and family, or the really tough nights and overwhelming doubts that every new parent experiences at some point. And we are left wondering why our lives aren’t more like theirs.

And now Facebook is starting to read just like one of those glossy magazine features. Here’s a recent sample of what I read on Facebook:

Another gorgeous day on the Vineyard!

Great dinner with great friends!

Back from a Fabulous Vacation!

Thrilled to have just run a marathon, raised money for cancer research, best time ever!

Date night with hubby! Dinner and dancing….romantic!

A perfect weekend -sleeping in-reading a book- enjoying a glass of wine-loving husband!

And my personal favorite:

Sad to leave Nantucket but need to catch a plane to Provence!

Come on Ladies. Give it a rest.  It’s not that I have a problem with celebrating a fabulous life. I actually feel strongly that women should brag to their friends at least once a week. We need to celebrate our successes. But  we also need to be honest with each other. In between the vacation, the marathons and the family photo opps, what else is going on in your life? We need to share that too. Not on Facebook necessarily – I’m not much more tolerant of the”my kid has a runny nose” posts either.

Remember that scene in Desperate Housewives when Lynette breaks down on the soccer field because she thinks she is a terrible mother? Her two friends tell her they felt the same way when their children were young and Lynette asks them, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” That’s what we need more of.

So celebrate your successes but remember to tell it like it is too. Anything less is a disservice to you and your friends. And, quite frankly, it’s annoying.  

 

*Footnote 1. I altered the status updates to protect both the innocent and hopefully, my friendships.  

*Footnote 2.  Yes, I am jealous of my friends.

FTC Regulates the Red Carpet

October 7, 2009
By

BlogHer Voices of the Year Finalist

Following immediately on the heels of The Federal Trade Commission’s (FTC) new guidelines aimed at better transparency in the blogosphere, the government agency once again took steps to regulate full disclosure, this time from celebrities regarding the clothes they wear and the beauty products they use. The new guidelines, expected to be published later this week, will mandate that celebrities who dress for the red carpet, more accurately reflect results typical of the average American woman.

It is common practice in Hollywood for fashion designers to give celebrities couture gowns to wear to awards ceremonies, movie premieres and parties. The commission has determined that the stars and the designers must disclose if the dresses were given to the celebrities for free and that the disclosure must be “clear and conspicuous.” They did not, however, specify how the disclosure should happen.

One famous Hollywood stylist/reality television star said, “We will determine how to best to reveal that information on a case-by-case basis. If my client is wearing a classic dress –perhaps a Ralph Lauren –we may monogram the information onto the dress. After all, monograms are so preppy and 80s. And the 80s are back baby! If my client is wearing Versace, we will probably advertise on her chest because most of it will be showing.”

The commission also said celebrities often convey an unrealistic image on the red carpet. These images and the resulting photo spreads in tabloid magazines, give false hope to American woman that they too can look like their favorite star. When the new guidelines go into effect, the stylists who dress the stars will have to better reflect what the average woman can expect if they were to wear the clothes. Entertainment news hosts will no longer just ask, “Who made your dress and where did you get those diamonds?” during pre-awards show interviews. Now they will also ask, “Are you wearing Spanx? Do you use double-sided tape to lift your breasts? When was the last time you ate? How much foundation are you wearing? And, is that a wig?”

The new guidelines have the industry on edge. Celebrities are concerned they will be forced to reveal too many trade secrets. “What will they want next,” says one two-time Oscar winner. “For us to stop airbrushing our magazine covers?”

But some insiders see this as a positive move. “The fashion world, and the red carpet in particular, hasn’t seen any real innovation since Bjork’s swan dress in 2001. I think we will see some new trends emerge as a result of the FTC guidelines,” said Nigel Kipling, fashion director for Runway magazine. “I predict back fat, bat wings and lipstick on teeth, will be hot looks on the runway next season.”

Finally, 14 will be the new 6.

Full Disclosure: This is not a true story. But it should be.

Burberry and Breastfeeding

August 31, 2009
By

UmbrellaWhen it comes to fashion, I’ve always believed in quality over quantity. I’m a big fan of amortizing my purchases  — dividing the estimated number of times I’ll wear something by the cost of the item and then adding in maintenance fees. It helps justify a big ticket item.

For example, 11 years ago I bought a pair of classic black Gucci loafers with silver horse bits for $300. They have never gone out of style and I wear them all the time. With a little shoe polish I keep them looking good  — although I have had to get them resoled twice.  I can’t begin to imagine how many actual days I’ve worn them. But even if I amortize the initial purchase price over 11 years – they were a steal. $300 + $100 (cobbler fees) / 11 = $36. I dare you to find a quality, classic shoe for less than $36.

 So Ladies, as summer comes to an end, if you are thinking about purchasing any new cold weather gear, I urge you to consider buying quality. How about Burberry? A trench will require a $900 outlay of cash up front and a rain hat $125. But do the math. You will have these items forever.

 Not convinced? Here’s an even better reason to buy Burberry. Your option is Totes/Isotoner and sure their products can be purchased at malls, department stores and outlets everywhere. And sure, they cost a lot less than Burberry and look pretty good. But, did you know, that Totes/Isotoner fired an employee for taking unauthorized breaks to pump her breasts?

 That’s right, according to an article in the Columbus Dispatch the woman went to pump before her scheduled break because her breasts ached. She was fired for not following directions. That direction was you can pump every five hours.

 Anyone out there ever nurse? If so, you know that women can’t really control how and when the milk flows. A sound, a picture, a thought and plain old biology will trigger it. And somehow it never really feels that professional to leak through our Ann Taylor blouses. Nor does it feel very comfortable to ask our bosses if we can go pump our breasts. Instead, we sneak off discreetly to the corporate lactation room (Yeah right. After my first child was born I pumped in an electrical closet filled with spiders. After my second child, I pumped in a bathroom stall.) and make up the missed time at lunch, at night, somehow, someway.

 This case is a classic example of the many unchecked obstacles women face at work. As one commenter pointed out on the Columbus Dispatch website, what about the employees who take the sports page into the men’s room and disappear for 30 minutes? Should we fire them too?

 So Ladies, before you decide to save money and buy the $24 umbrella instead of another brand for $30, $40 or perhaps $125, ask yourself what your purchasing power is worth to working women and mothers everywhere. Ban Isotoner.

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