Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, discusses why we have too few women leaders, at TED. It’s worth the watch.
And for more on why we have too few women speakers at TED, check this out from C.V. Harquail and then join the “She Should Talk at TED” group on Facebook
Eighty-five percent of people polled by Eversave admit they’ve been annoyed by their Facebook friends. I’m not alone. The survey says the top three annoyances are friends who use the social site to complain, share unsolicited political views (oops) and brag about their “seemingly perfect lives.”
That’s the one that gets me. Last year I wrote, “It is not helpful for the media to bombard us with messages about perfect women, with perfect bodies, living perfect lives, with perfect spouses. What’s the point? These stories omit the parts about the personal trainers and nutritionists who helped the celebs get back in shape, or the fact they are getting paid big bucks to get those bodies back, or the house staff and personal assistants and nannies helping them balance work and family, or the really tough nights and overwhelming doubts that every new parent experiences at some point. And we are left wondering why our lives aren’t more like theirs. And now Facebook is starting to read just like one of those glossy magazine features.”
Perfection is over-rated. It’s our flaws that set us free.
As I wrote, “It’s not that I have a problem with celebrating a fabulous life. I actually feel strongly that women should brag to their friends at least once a week. We need to celebrate our successes. But we also need to be honest with each other. In between the vacation, the marathons and the family photo opps, what else is going on in your life? We need to share that too.”
But not, necessarily, on Facebook.
Eversave offers daily deals for busy women like us. Check it out, but if you treat yourself to a day at the spa or dinner at a fabulous restaurant, please don’t gloat about it online. (Disclosure: I have a business relationship with Eversave.)
(Trigger Warning) A horrific story out of British Columbia: Candian news outlets are reporting that a sixteen year old girl was gang raped last Saturday night at a party. The incident was apparently photographed and videotaped and the images were then posted on Facebook and other Internet sites. Meanwhile, across the world in Perth, Australia, a 14 year old girl was recently allegedly raped by two teens while a third filmed the incident.
The media has dubbed the Canadian incident the “Internet photo rape” or the “Facebook gang rape” and are of course examining the role of social media in this crime and in the lives of teens. It’s a valid line of questioning as long as we don’t lose site of the fact it is people who commit crimes, not the Internet. The images of the incident did not “go viral” they were spread, by people.
Has the Internet desensitized us? Probably. But our blame-the-victim culture desensitizes too. What are we teaching our children when Roman Polanski is lauded by Hollywood, when a reporter is harassed and her clothing becomes the headline, when a man kills his wife and her so-called nagging is cited as the cause?
For more facts on rape and information on prevention and victim support, visit RAINN, The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.
(Trigger warning) There is also an excellent, related post on rape culture at Shakesville. But it is not an easy read.
While we catch up on work after a fantastic few days at BlogHer 10, here are a few stories of interest from around the web.
Boston police arrested a man who exposed himself on the T, or subway, after another passenger posted a picture of the creep on Twitter. A second man was arrested this weekend for exposing himself to women on the subway after yet another rider took his picture. This is just the kind of response Hollaback, a movement trying to stop street harassment by using mobile phone technology, encourages.
While the story is getting a lot of attention due to the role social media played in busting the perp, the Boston media has failed to link any of its subway harassment stories. There have been a number of reported incidents of harassment and exposure on the T this summer, including the man who pulled down a teenager’s shirt. How many arrests do the police need to make before the media reports on this as a trend and decide to examine the experiences women endure while taking public transportation?
Across the country, HP’s CEO Mark Hurd resigned following an investigation “surrounding a claim of sexual harassment against Hurd and HP by a former contractor to HP,” according to a press release from the tech giant. HP found “no violation of HP’s sexual harassment policy, but did find violations of HP’s Standards of Business Conduct.” Allegedly Hurd filed incorrect expense reports in an attempt to shield his relationship with the contractor. The woman who originally filed the harassment claim is now “surprised and saddened” that Hurd lost his job according to a statement released by the woman’s lawyer Gloria Allred.
Hurd walks away from the scandal with a reported $28 million in cash and HP stock. The contractor walks away having resolved the claim “privately” and with a host of media outlets gleefully reporting on her “softporn” and reality TV career.
And finally, Facebook is at it again. The social media site that removed breastfeeding pictures is hosting two offensive pages – “It Isn’t r.a.p.e…It’s SURPRISE SEX” and “National Boob Grab Day.” Ladies, if there was one key message from the BlogHer conference, it’s that women have power. According to this Forbes article, Facebook members are 57 percent female. Women on average have 8 percent more friends than men and participate in 62 percent of the sharing. So use your power and tell Facebook to stop allowing so-called humor that harms women. There is a “Report Page” link at the bottom of all Facebook pages. Use it.
Before
PicTreat. At first I thought it was the answer to my prayers. PicTreat.com is a website that offers free photo retouching. And, it is simple to use. All you have to do is upload a photo to the site and PicTreat improves it using “face detection and correction technology.” Sounds great. But then I tried it and I realized the service has three major flaws.
First, it turns out all PicTreat can do is correct red eye, make skin brighter and shinier, and remove blemishes and marks from your face. When I look at pictures of myself, red eye from the camera flash is the least of my concerns. More than one chin? Now that’s troublesome. Gray roots? Hate them. And why are my eyes shut in 87 percent of the photos?
Second, who wants shinier skin? I spend $45 every three months at the cosmetic counter on powder that covers my T zone. Shine isn’t dewy, youthful and vibrant. It’s sweaty, greasy and menopausal (hello, hot flashes anyone?).
And finally, PicTreat is discriminatory. I am of Irish descent and I have freckles — lots of them, in fact. But the only noticeable difference I saw when I used PicTreat was that my freckles were gone in the retouched photos. Clearly, the makers of PicTreat never read the poem “Pied Beauty” by Gerard Manley Hopkins. “Glory be to God for dappled things.” This dappled woman happens to likes her freckles and prefers not to have her ethnicity erased.
That being said, if my friends won’t stop tagging me on Facebook, and the creators of PicTreat can improve the software so that it opens my eyes and gives me a definitive jaw line, I just might get past the monoculturalism and reconsider my review.
After
I’ve grown tired of Facebook. I have snooped all of my friends’ pages and friends of friends pages. I’ve inspected all the photos and scanned all the status updates. I’ve read quasi-political statements, viewed old yearbook shots and seen one too many pictures of cute kids.
Based on my anthropological endeavors, I have reached the following conclusions: 1) Facebook can get old real fast and 2) there are seven types of Facebook friends. They are:
And which category do I belong to? 7. The Boring People. I don’t update much at all. And after today you can probably add me to The People with No Friends category too.
The Huffington Post started a new feature called The Big Picture. It is quite simply that: big pictures of celebrities. In these high def images you can see lines, makeup smudges and peach fuzz on famous faces. These are the same people we usually see airbrushed and softened to perfection. So far the site has featured Lindsey Lohan, Sting and Elizabeth Hurley.
The HuffPo doesn’t say on its site what the point of the feature is, leaving us to believe it is merely a grab for readers and not a statement on the entertainment industry and body image.
If it’s supposed to be an honest look at the stars, it fails. The pictures might be up-close and hi-def but the celebrities have still been made up, fluffed and styled to perfection –something a “real ” person doesn’t have access to before heading out for say, oh I don’t know, a PTO fundraiser.
If it’s supposed to shock us, leaving us gasping, “Lindsay has pores!” It fails. We knew Lindsay had pores because we have pores. And so do our sisters, friends and neighbors. The entertainment industry may feed us beautiful images every day but we are also exposed to the real deal in the office, at the grocery store, and in the mirror. We have been desensitized to epidermis.
If it is designed for us to trash the celebs in the comments section on the site, we won’t. What negative comments can we possibly make about Elizabeth Hurley’s looks? And why would we waste our time criticizing the supermodel who received the Humanitarian Award from the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, when we have a much bigger problem on our hands.
Tagging– on Facebook!
With its Big Picture feature, the HuffPo proves it is out of touch with the average American woman. We don’t give a rat’s ass about some millionaire, Hollywood star with lipstick on her teeth. We are much more concerned that, oh say…hypothetically… our BFF tagged us in a photo where our eyes are shut, our chins are multiple and our outfit conjures up images of Debbie Gibson circa 1989.
Ladies, where’s the love?!?
While we ready a post on healthcare reform for tomorrow, here are some random updates from around the web.
Following Hillary Clinton’s announcement that she will not run for president again, Pundit Mom asked what other women are in the pipeline. I wonder if Chelsea Clinton has political ambitions. She was impressive while campaigning for her mother.
While we were grumbling about all the “my fabulous life” status updates on Facebook, the social media site was measuring them. Facebook has started a “Gross National Happiness” index based on status updates from its users. By analyzing the number of positive and negative words people use in their updates, Facebook is tracking the overall mood of people in the U.S. and noting happy days, like Fridays and holidays and not-so-happy days, like the day Michael Jackson died. You can view the index here.
Although I hate the first sentence in the post, Sue Scheff has a useful piece for parents about “mean girls”. It offers practical advice to help girls navigate tough social dynamics at school.
Did you know video game makers are targeting girls? I guess they decided that 51 percent of the population and 85 percent of the consumer buying power is worth some marketing effort. So great news — more lilac and pink consoles and packaging should be headed our way. Because those are our favorite colors right? No matter what color case it comes in, I am curious to see Project Runway for the Wii.
And for the ladies that love baseball, check out the new documentary “Touching the Game: Alaska” about the Alaska baseball league. This film has beautiful footage, interesting stories about aspiring major league players, and a cameo from Sarah Palin. Although it does not come in a pink package, I give you permission to view it anyway.
Is anyone else over Facebook? I am so over Facebook. I don’t really have a problem with the social networking site itself. But the status updates – make them stop. In my small circle of friends anyway, Facebook has turned into the celebrity “mom” profile in People or Ladies Home Journal.
You know those horrible profiles I am referring to – the ones about Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones and how fabulous their lives are, and how complete motherhood has made them, and how easily they got their pre-baby bodies back, and how wonderful their marriages are, and how fulfilling their careers are, and how those careers take a back seat to parenting but yet they still make seven figures? Besides the fact that those profiles are complete and utter bullshit, they do a disservice to women.
It is not helpful for the media to bombard us with messages about perfect women, with perfect bodies, living perfect lives, with perfect spouses. What’s the point? These stories omit the parts about the personal trainers and nutritionists who helped the celebs get back in shape, or the fact they are getting paid big bucks to get those bodies back, or the house staff and personal assistants and nannies helping them balance work and family, or the really tough nights and overwhelming doubts that every new parent experiences at some point. And we are left wondering why our lives aren’t more like theirs.
And now Facebook is starting to read just like one of those glossy magazine features. Here’s a recent sample of what I read on Facebook:
Another gorgeous day on the Vineyard!
Great dinner with great friends!
Back from a Fabulous Vacation!
Thrilled to have just run a marathon, raised money for cancer research, best time ever!
Date night with hubby! Dinner and dancing….romantic!
A perfect weekend -sleeping in-reading a book- enjoying a glass of wine-loving husband!
And my personal favorite:
Sad to leave Nantucket but need to catch a plane to Provence!
Come on Ladies. Give it a rest. It’s not that I have a problem with celebrating a fabulous life. I actually feel strongly that women should brag to their friends at least once a week. We need to celebrate our successes. But we also need to be honest with each other. In between the vacation, the marathons and the family photo opps, what else is going on in your life? We need to share that too. Not on Facebook necessarily – I’m not much more tolerant of the”my kid has a runny nose” posts either.
Remember that scene in Desperate Housewives when Lynette breaks down on the soccer field because she thinks she is a terrible mother? Her two friends tell her they felt the same way when their children were young and Lynette asks them, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” That’s what we need more of.
So celebrate your successes but remember to tell it like it is too. Anything less is a disservice to you and your friends. And, quite frankly, it’s annoying.
*Footnote 1. I altered the status updates to protect both the innocent and hopefully, my friendships.
*Footnote 2. Yes, I am jealous of my friends.
