Posts Tagged ‘ salon ’

Al Gore Accused of Sexual Assault: UPDATED

June 25, 2010
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Several of my peers have opted not to write about the allegations of sexual assault against former Vice President and Nobel Prize winner Al Gore. Some of them feel they don’t have enough facts. It’s true, we don’t know have all the facts but there are some things that those who are writing about the story need to better understand.

Salon posted a troubling piece yesterday with the headline, “3 reasons to doubt the Al Gore sex assault story.” Reason number three is the classic “other-people-have lied-about rape before.” The fact of the matter is: people sometimes lie about attempted robbery and murder too but those stories and statistics are not used to cast doubt on accusers of those crimes. Yet statistics about false rape allegations are not only raised when someone is accused, they are often held up as evidence that the accuser is lying. Those of us with roots in Boston remember Charles Stuart who in 1989 lied about someone shooting him and his pregnant wife. The incident sparked a media storm and heightened racial tension in the city. But it doesn’t resurface as evidence in the same way the Duke lacrosse rape story does whenever there are high profile accusations of sexual assault.

Then there was this horrible piece in The Washington Post which quotes liberally from the police report. The author, Alexandra Petri, repeatedly mocks the accuser even writing at one point, “There are hundreds of jokes to be made here.” The fact of the matter is: women who are sexually assaulted are too often mocked and shamed in the court of public opinion. Is it any wonder a victim might choose not to bring charges against their attacker? 

The Daily Caller ran this headline about MSNBC host Joe Scarborough’s tweets on the topic, “Scarborough: Gore sex scandal is just hot air.” The fact of the matter is: Getting caught having sex with a consenting adult who is not your spouse is a sex scandal. What Gore’s accuser alleges in her statement to the police is more than a scandal.

And then there are the commenters. At Salon, one commenter refers to Gore’s “dallying.” Again, dallying is consensual. This story alleges force. Another observed of Gore, “he just doesn’t give off those sleazy perv vibes that triggered my alarms.” Rapists don’t always look and act a certain way. There are the commenters like this one who wrote, “I doubted the allegations, especially since real sex could be had for less money than the $540 Gore was paying his masseuse for a bellyrub.” Reminder: rape is not about sex. It is about violence and control.

 And finally, there are the commenters and commentators who imply that an accuser who pursues civil action but not criminal action must just be a gold digger. The fact of the matter is there are many legitimate reasons a victim of sexual assault might choose that route. Read Jaclyn Friedman’s article, “Why the Charges are Civil (and Why That Doesn’t Mean She’s a Lying Golddigger)” to understand some of them.

So, while I understand the hesitancy to cover this story, those who do cover it should make an effort to understand rape culture and extend the same courtesy – considering someone innocent unti proven guilty – to both the accused and the accuser.

UPDATE July 1, 2010: This investigation had been closed but Portland Police anounced they have reopened it.

Is Mommy Hating on the Rise?

November 23, 2009
By

strollerThere’s an interesting article by Lynn Harris over at Salon called “Everybody Hates Mommy.” Go check it out. Harris makes the case that “mommy bashing” is on the rise.

Like the author, I too took a train to work while pregnant. But unlike the author, who says she was rarely offered a seat, I was NEVER offered a seat. There I was eight, nine, nine and a half months pregnant (pregnancy is 40 weeks –do the math) rocking and swaying as the train cruised along. Mine was a commuter train and the conductor would come through the cars collecting fares and I would block the whole aisle. He would still manage to barge by, sometimes shoving me. My protruding stomach would get mushed into the back of a seat and the conductor’s behind would rub across mine. Every morning was a new experience in humiliation, hostility and disgust. I never considered there was mommy hating going on. I just wrote it off as the sad world we live in where people keep their heads down and use newspapers, cell phones and iPods to tune out strangers.

And unlike the author, I dwell in the burbs not the city so I don’t witness the stroller gangs every day. Instead, I see the minivan brigade. And I confess, sometimes they really bug the crap out of me. You know, the way they absentmindedly drive those big ugly vehicles while talking on their cell phones. And the fact they arrive at school pick up 20 minutes earlier to get the best parking spots. And then of course they idle their cars while they wait.

I admit, I find it bizarre, and yes, annoying the way the “good” moms are always packing snacks for their kids. They have snacks at the park, snacks at soccer practice, snacks in the car. Why can’t their kids go an hour without a snack? And why do I care? Because I look like the bad mom who never has any damn Goldfish with her. But I digress.

So while I, clearly, have been known to do a little mommy-judging myself, I think Harris has a point. Mothers are under attack more so now, then maybe ever before. There’s been a media backlash on mother’s who drink, mother’s who let their kids walk alone and mothers-to-be who might harm their fetus.  Has Dad ever experienced this level of scrutiny?

 

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