Posts Tagged ‘ working mothers ’

If I Were Santa

December 14, 2011
By Hello Ladies

Santa's gift bagIf I were Santa, I’d be making my list and checking it twice. And here are the gifts I would give:

For Our Daughters: The gift of self-esteem and positive role models

The mass media perpetuates a message that women and girls’ value comes from beauty and sexuality – and it affects us. Sixty-five percent of women and girls have an eating disorder. Eighty percent of the op-ed pages are dominated by men. The number of women in senior management positions globally has gone from 24 to 20 percent from 2004 to 2009.

For Corporate America: More women in leadership positions

There is a large, and growing, body of research connecting women at the tops of organizations to a strong bottom line performance. However, women comprise 53 percent of new hires, but only 37 percent of managers, 26 percent of vice-presidents, and just 14 percent of executive committees.

 

For Working Mothers: Flexible work arrangements … and a day of rest

The life of a working mother is challenging. Flexible work arrangements give parents the ability to work more flexibly and better manage the challenges of work and family.

For Working Families: Passage of the Paycheck Fairness Act

According to the latest data from the U.S. Census Bureau, women earn, on average, just .78 cents for every dollar a man earns. And for women of color, the gap is much greater. Fair pay is not a woman’s issue, it’s a family issue. An estimated two-thirds of all U.S. households rely on a woman’s salary at least partially.”

For All Women: The ratification of CEDAW

The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) is an international treaty that supports fundamental human rights and equality for women around the world. CEDAW was adopted in 1979 by the United Nations General Assembly. To date, 186 of 193 countries have ratified the treaty. The United States has not.

For President Obama: The courage to stand up for women’s reproductive rights

Women helped President Obama get elected in 2008 and they can be expected to play a major role in the 2012 election too. In return, women need Obama to take a stronger stance on women’s rights, and in particular, women’s reproductive health – regardless of the pressures he’s facing from his opponents.

For the GOP: The Sanctity of Life

The US ranks poorly for infant mortality rates and maternal death rates; more than two women die every day from pregnancy related causes. Yet many lawmakers try to block women’s access to much-needed health services, supposedly  in the name of life. For Christmas, we want to give them the gift of truly honoring the sanctity of life – all life – and to see them work toward improving the health and life of mothers.

For Massachusetts: A woman Senator

Massachusetts has never sent a woman to the Senate. Although 51 percent of the U.S. population is female, women hold just 16.5 percent of the seats in Congress. That puts the US at 69th in the world for gender parity. We need more women in office.

For Victims of Domestic Violence: Hope

Domestic violence victims and their advocates need money to gain freedom from abuse, to protect children from abusive partners or ex-partners and develop public policy efforts related to domestic violence. Please donate and give them support and hope.

What gifts would you give? You can add to my list at The Skinny Scoop.

 

Bachmann Raises Questions About Politics, Work and Gender Equality

November 29, 2011
By Hello Ladies

WaitressAt the start of the “Thanksgiving Family Forum,” a GOP primary debate held earlier this month in Iowa, presidential candidate Michele Bachmann walked around the table pouring water for all of her opponents and for Frank Luntz, the debate moderator. When Luntz thanked her, Bachmann laughed and responded, “I’m used to it Frank.” Watch the video here and then ask yourself, was Bachmann’s behavior helpful or harmful?

The answer may vary depending on your frame of reference. To some, Bachmann’s action may appear to be a simple, meaningless gesture. She was pouring a glass of water for herself; so why not just pour for the table? After all, it only took a minute or two. It was helpful and only a liberal-leaning blogger could make an issue out of this, right?

Not true. I am sure political strategists think Bachmann made a bad move. After all, it doesn’t look very presidential to wait on others. Presidents are served at the table; they don’t do the serving. Now remember: we’ve never had a woman in office. Therefore, what most people consider to look presidential, is going to look like male behavior. And men seem to know that when they are engaged in important discussions, someone should pour the water for them. So a savvy political pundit would probably view Bachmann’s gesture as harmful.

Some of the women I know — especially the mothers, would have poured the water instinctively. And like Bachmann, they would have dismissed what they did because they are “used to it.” They are used to helping others get settled at the table before they start their own meal. The are used to having a meaningful conversation while doing something else like cutting someone’s food, passing a side dish, pouring a glass of milk. If they waited for a free moment to engage, they’d never finish a sentence. Women like that are used to being helpful. But one place helpful can be harmful is at work.

A few years ago, I worked in an office where I was the only full-time woman on the management team. I was also the first and only female vice president. Once a month, the management team met in the conference room to review all aspects of the business – from financials, to staffing, to product development. At the end of those meetings the conference room was always a mess – papers and Starbuck cups all over the table and product samples all over the floor. When I first worked there, I would grab some of the samples at the conclusion of the meeting, return them to the warehouse and then go back to my office. On my way home later that day, I would pass the conference room and, probably 90 percent of the time, I would notice whatever I hadn’t picked up was still in there. And so I would stop and clean the room.

But after a while I noticed that when those monthly management team meetings ended, my male peers would leave the room carrying only their laptops. So I stopped cleaning up too. (Unless it was a Wednesday – every Thursday at 7 a.m. I attended another meeting in the same room with a large group. And if the room was ready, the meeting was more likely to start on time.) It felt petty to leave the mess. After all, it only took 5 or ten minutes to restore the room. But I started to wonder if cleaning up hurt my image. If I wanted the men to accept me, and other women, as part of the team, then did I have to do what they did and not help with anything perceived to be below a VP assignment? This company didn’t have an office manager nor did the management team have admins so it wasn’t as simple as leaving the mess to the person whose job description covered it. The mess remained until someone brought an outside partner or vendor in for a meeting or until one of the “girls” from accounting or customer service used the room for a birthday, shower or holiday potluck.

Leaving the mess also felt counterintuitive. I attributed much of my career success to hard work, being a team player, doing whatever needed to be done. One of my first bosses, a well-respected advisor to many CEOS, impressed me because she knew how to do every job in the office and how to use every piece of office equipment. She was a  master delegator who focused on high-value tasks, but when something needed to get done  - she could make it happen. It seemed like a pretty powerful approach and I’ve always tried to emulate it.

I don’t subscribe to the idea women need to act like men at work. I believe each gender, each individual really, brings unique characteristics to the office and diversity is the best strategy. But women do need to mind their image. And sometimes that means not being helpful is the most helpful thing they can do for their own careers.

What do you think? Do you try to avoid administrative tasks so as to appear more managerial?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moms Dominate Powerful Women List (Infographic)

November 3, 2011
By Hello Ladies

Did you know 88 percent of the women on the Forbes 100 Most Powerful Women list are mothers with an average 2.5 children each? How do we harness that power for better maternity leave policies, paid sick days, flex work arrangements and affordable, quality childcare? Thank you to OnlineSchools.com for the great infographic.


Courtesy of: OnlineSchools.com

Heroine of the Week: California State Senator Noreen Evans

October 9, 2011
By Hello Ladies

Pregnant womanThe United States ranks low among industrialized countries when it comes to maternal care and lacks a nationwide policy of paid maternity leave. However, women in one of the largest states, California, are now guaranteed maternity care health coverage thanks to a bill introduced by Senator Noreen Evans (D-Santa Rosa) and signed into law this past week by Governor Jerry Brown. SB 222, the Maternity Coverage Availability Act, requires health insurance plans to provide maternity coverage as part of their individual health insurance policies. Although the law has required group insurance plans to include maternity coverage, the number of policies that include that coverage has dropped from 82 percent in 2004 to only 12 percent in 2010.

Governor Brown also signed SB 299 this week, another maternity-related bill shepherded by Evans. This legislation prevents California women from losing their employer-provided health insurance coverage while on maternity leave.  Currently many women pay steep out-of-pocket costs for maternity care and/or cut short their pregnancy leave because they can’t afford to take it.  According to Moms Rising, almost four in five workers report being unable to take leave because they could not afford it.

“Healthy mothers mean healthy babies. I want the next generation of Californians to get the best possible start in life,” Governor Brown said.

Read “Real Stories of Maternity Leave“

The Life of a Working Mother

September 15, 2011
By Hello Ladies
Barbie doll

This is not me

Let me tell you about the life of a working mother. So this morning I was running late for work because I had a hard time picking out an outfit because last Saturday I forgot to go to the dry cleaner because I was really busy shuffling my kids from soccer practice to the town-wide barbecue birthday bash to a party we were all invited to and so I had no clean work pants and I couldn’t wear knee-length skirts or capris because I was gardening on Sunday because I hadn’t weeded since June because every weekend in the summer I took my kids to the Cape so they could hang out with their cousins and anyway I got poison ivy on my legs and therefore hadn’t shaved them all week but I had to dress professionally because my boss and I were going to an industry event later in the day to network with potential clients.

So, I decided to wear a long, flowy black skirt and after trying many different tops finally paired it with a black cardigan that looked professional and put on a pair of low black heels that wouldn’t hurt walking around a tradeshow floor and I threw on some appropriate accessories and I was ready to go but I stopped to use the bathroom because I have a long commute and I had downed three cups of coffee and …the back of my skirt fell in the toilet!

So, I had a meltdown and started ranting and my husband said, “How is this my fault?” to which I responded, “It’s not your fault. Why can’t I get upset without you thinking you need to fix it?” at which point my nine year old son came up to me, hugged me and said, “I love you mom,” which, while really sweet, made me realize he was trying to calm down psycho-mommy and someday he’d’ be in therapy because of me.

Then I went upstairs and I found a long skirt (linen – which, I don’t care what Vogue says, is a no-no after Labor Day in New England) which really needed ironing but I decided not to iron because it was just going to be wrinkled again by the time I got to work and as I pulled it out of the closet the button popped off and it required a new top and new shoes because it was brown not black and I didn’t really have a top that matched except the sweater I had worn to the party Saturday which I couldn’t find because my house is always a mess.

And so I ran around trying to find a top and praying to St. Anthony to find my sweater and my hair started to frizz because the weather was really humid because September is always warmer then August in New England which is Mother Nature’s way of messing with working parents who have to take the last week in August as vacation because that’s the week between when camp ends and school starts and I couldn’t pull my hair back because my daughter, in the middle of all this, asked me for a ponytail holder even though she always takes mine and should have had a bazillion of them and where the hell do they go and my husband pointed out I have a bunch of them in my office but I didn’t want my daughter to go in there because Sunday night I was sorting though my vintage necklaces in the office because it relaxes me but I got interrupted and never put them away and they were still on the floor and I didn’t want her to step on them, so I gave her the one I always keep on my wrist.

So my hair was wild and I had nothing to wear except a wrinkly linen skirt until I noticed a shirt I bought at the Gap and had planned to return because I spent too much money last time I was there but it was desperate times so I put it on but it still required a cardigan so that didn’t really help because St. Anthony wasn’t listening so I grabbed another Gap shirt out of my closet as I realized I still had to keep the new shirt because I had removed the tags and tossed it on the floor and it would be wrinkled by the time I got home.

I glanced in the mirror at my wild hair and casual outfit and saw I was not even close to the look-at-me-I’m-large-and-in-charge-trust-me-with-your-communications-strategy image I wanted to project at the event but I had no choice but to wear the outfit so I decided to channel Iris Apfel and added a multi-strand turquoise necklace and leopard shoes and hoped I could project a look-at-me-I’m-hip-and-creative-trust-me-with-your-social-media-strategy image even though I knew I couldn’t because I’m a middle-aged suburban mother.

And as I went to finally leave, I realized I needed to change bags because now the big, printed bag I had planned to carry was too casual whereas before it had served as a pop of color for an all-black outfit and so I wanted to grab a more structured purse but I couldn’t fit my flats (also leopard) in the structured bag and there was no way I was going to a tradeshow without back-up flats and so I finally found an appropriate bag but that necessitated transferring my wallet, lunch, sunglasses and cosmetics to another bag which was risky business because it had to be done on the go and I couldn’t really risk any erratic or distracted driving because I had no registration or inspection sticker because my leasing company had sent the paperwork late and I was supposed to go the RMV and get that sorted out at lunch but how could I leave work for a few hours to do that when I was going to arrive so late?

Then when I got in the car I realized it was on empty because I hadn’t stopped for gas the night before because I wanted to get home before it got too dark to go for a run because running helps my stress levels and I hadn’t run Tuesday night because I went to the PTO meeting which was painful – I mean I appreciate all the board does, but ladies really, Robert’s Rules of Order, live it, learn it, love it – and I didn’t run on Monday night because I was at an environmental committee meeting because I need to save the world and I was having a hard time waking up in the mornings to run ever since school started because my daughter, who is exhausted re-adjusting to a schedule after sleeping late all summer, had been throwing temper tantrums at night and I had been giving in and lying down with her even though I knew I was reinforcing bad behavior and I think seven is too old for the Ferber method and her crying and whining was reminding me of when she was a baby and I had postpartum depression and I just wanted her to go to sleep.

When I finished pumping gas a woman with a sleek chignon and cool sunglasses dressed very professionally pulled in and blocked me at the gas tank and I thought if she is a working mother and looks that good she deserves to have her suit dunked in the toilet but I finally got out of there without incident and tuned into the traffic report and heard there was an accident and not one, but two lanes, were blocked on the highway and then I remembered I had thrown the black skirt into the laundry and it’s dry clean only which meant either my husband was going to a) wash it as a nice gesture and accidentaly ruin it or b) not wash it which would piss me off because wasn’t that the least he could do?

And then, as I sat in the traffic jam thinking about how I wasn’t going to get to work until practically tomorrow which was really a problem because I was behind on some things because I’d been spending a lot of time on one specific project which ironically had to do with how mothers “do it all” which meant I would either to have work late and skip another run or get caught up on work on the weekend therefore not having anytime to go to the drycleaner, I turned on the air conditioner because my hair kept frizzing from the heat and I realized I had worn my office sweater home the night before which could have been a problem because my coworker always blasts the AC at the office because she’s in menopause and having hot flashes and who am I to judge because that could be me, like, tomorrow and because the fabric on my shirt was really thin it would be revealing, if you know what I mean, but luckily Rachel Zoe has nothing on me and I could fix the problem with bandaids.

And inspired by my many talents I decided to write this blog – while driving – because I downloaded the speech-to-text software on my iPhone one day while imagining I could be that kind of supermom who multitasks and has all the right apps, which according to a new study makes me prone to depression (the wanting to be a supermom, not the apps) but I never did get around to downloading the app that reads emails aloud which would have been useful because at that point I was already 45 minutes late for work and not yet at the halfway mark and I was only driving 25 miles an hour even though I had already passed the accident.

And that is the life of a working mother.

How Do You Do It All?

August 11, 2011
By Hello Ladies

This post originally ran on TheMamaBee.com. We’ve since replaced some of the activities listed below for new ones, but our house remains dirty and we still don’t have any friends. With the movie version of “I Don’t Know How She Does It” opening next month, we’re wondering, how do you do it all? Here’s our story:

Supermom dollPeople always ask me, “How do you do it all?”  I am a full time working mother –in fact I’m the family breadwinner.  I am also president of the PTO, chair of a town committee, organizer of  an annual event for 400 attendees, and I moonlight as a freelance writer.  “It’s easy,” I tell them. “But my house is always dirty and I have no friends.”  And then the person who asked the question always laughs.  But I’m not joking.

My house is dirty.  While my husband has the time to clean, he has no interest.  And I have neither the time nor the interest. Type As like me thrive on checking things off a to-do list and cleaning never comes off the list; by the time you get through all of the rooms in the house, you need to start over.  I don’t choose to spend my time cleaning. Nor do I choose to spend my time fighting with my husband trying to get him to clean.

We used to fight about it.  Big, ugly hairy fights. But fighting wastes precious time and for a working mother, time is currency.  The fighting just didn’t add up. Do the math:

Ask husband (three times) to remove unfolded piles of laundry from couch and put them away: 3 mins.

Yell at husband for not putting laundry away, disrespecting all of my wishes, being an insensitive lout, never listening, and not knowing the meaning of love: 20 mins.

Give husband silent treatment: 30 mins.

Apologize for slightly overreacting : 2 mins.

Simply push piles of laundry to the other end of the sofa so I have a place to sit down and snuggle with the kids: immediate and priceless.

As far as friends go, I do exaggerate, but just slightly.  I actually have two and a half friends – two of them I’ve known for thirty years. I talk to one of them almost every day during my commute. And I go months without talking to the other one but our friendship is strong enough to withstand the long silences.  And the half?  Well that represents all the lovely acquaintances I make through my many activities.  I would befriend them but then they’d expect me to call, email and socialize.  And I don’t have the time.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed, like when I have too many deadlines, I’m tired and there are thirty-eight plastic dinosaurs on my living room rug. Just recently, one of my cousins stopped by on a  weekend morning.  Over coffee, I unloaded on her that I was exhausted and couldn’t manage everything.

“You need to lower your standards,” she said.

As I slid the previous night’s dirty dinner plates out of my way so I had a place to put  my coffee mug, I said hopefully, “Really, do you think that’s the answer?”

My lifestyle is not for everyone.  Like all working mothers, I make sacrifices. I will never go scrapbooking, for example, or host a book club meeting. Hell, I won’t even be invited to join the book club. But despite my busy schedule, I always have time to read a book to my child.  Now if only I could find the damn book somewhere in this mess.

Eversave is running a fun survey asking women how they do it all. You can take it here.

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Pumping at Work: Breastfeeding Awareness Month

August 11, 2011
By Hello Ladies

Mother with baby at computerCorporate lactation programs. Private pumping rooms. Informed, supportive HR specialists. If you read enough Best-Places-to Work-for-Mothers articles, you might think this is the reality for mothers returning to work post-baby. But for many women, pumping at work has its challenges.

August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month, designed to remind us breast milk has many health benefits for both mother and baby. And there are benefits for businesses too. The World Alliance Breastfeeding Action (WABA) reports the benefits are significant, resulting in, “more satisfied, loyal employees and cost savings to the business” from a reduction in sick time for childrens’ illnesses and lower health insurance.  The organization recommends all businesses “create a maternity policy that supports women in their desire to breastfeed and create a dedicated space where women can express milk in privacy.”

But working women often face challenges when they return to their jobs after maternity leave. Finding the time and a private place to pump can be difficult. Storing milk and cleaning breast pump equipment can be frowned upon in employee break rooms, and working out a pumping plan can be an awkward conversation to have with an unsupportive boss. Even when a company is supportive, it can be exhausting for a new mother to pump milk, manage nighttime feedings and still perform on the job.

We’ve written about these challenges before:

Nursing: Through Rain, Spiders and Toilets

Savvy Gal Pumping

Real Stories of Maternity Leave

The Skinny on Breastfeeding

There is some good news on the breastfeeding front.  The Affordable Care Act does require employers with 50 or more employees to provide “reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for one year after the child’s birth.” And earlier this month, U.S. Representative Carolyn B. Maloney (D-NY) and U.S. Senator Jeff Merkley introduced the Breastfeeding Promotion Act of 2011 which would expand those provisions to cover salaried employees who work in traditional office environments. Just last week, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) announced new guidelines for women’s preventive services that require health insurance companies to cover “breastfeeding support, supplies and counseling” so that “pregnant and postpartum women will have access to comprehensive lactation support and counseling from trained providers, as well as breastfeeding equipment.”

You can help support working mothers who want to breastfeed. If you’re a manager, find out what your company’s policies and accommodations are and voice your support for a family-friendly workplace. If you’re a soon-to-be working mother, plan ahead. Think about what accommodations you might need when you return to work and schedule a discussion with your HR representative or manager to discuss options. And regardless of your work situation, call your legislators and ask them to support theBreastfeeding Promotion Act of 2011.

A Working Mother Vents

June 1, 2011
By Hello Ladies

School play

I cried a little today. I needed to vent some frustration. I am frustrated because this Friday is the summer concert at my children’s school and I just found out. I may ask for some flex time to attend, even though it’s short notice, but my top priority is my daughter’s theatre performance. I wasn’t able to attend her fall performance due to short notice and a lack of flexibility at the time. And so I really want to attend the end of year show. If I can only attend one event, that would be my choice.

It’s not just working parents who miss out when they can’t get to school events. If you’ve ever watched  a child on a school stage scan the audience anxiously looking for parents and then waving and smiling when they are spotted, you understand how important family involvement is to a child. Schools constantly remind us to take an active role in  our children’s education – that involvement should extend beyond academics.

I may be able to attend both the concert and the theatre show – depending on what time of day they take place and how busy I am at work. The problem is, I don’t know when the theatre performance is because it has not yet been scheduled.

I reached out to the princicpal in an effort to be proactive. And I explained to her how, as a working parent, I really want to attend school events and that with advance notice and the big picture (dates for all the events for the end of year) I can make informed choices and plan my time.

She said unfortunately it is very challenging to schedule all the end of year events and she promised a notice would come home Thursday with the date of the theatre show and that it would most likely be the following week. I appreciate the response, but by the time I figure out if I can attend, it will be too late to ask for the time to see the concert. Luckily, I am fairly confident I don’t need to give the official two week notice (common corporate policy) to take an hour off – so that works in my favor. But I do have something on my calendar for the tentative date and it involves many people and won’t reflect well on me to back out with little notice. So do I ask for time off to attend the concert now, before I know about the theatre performance? Or do I hold out in hopes I can attend the theatre performance, and possibly end up missing both?

This issue isn’t exclusive to my children’s school. It’s district-wide. Last month, a notice came home from the administration that my children’s artwork was going to be displayed in a town-wide art show – the very next night. I immediately sent an email to the office asking to leave early the next night. Luckily, I work for a company that values flexibility and family more than the company handbook.  At the show,   hundreds of little masterpieces lined the halls. It must have taken time to hang all of that art – probably more than a day. The high school band was performing. I assume they were  given more than 24 hours notice. Refreshments were served. Again, that required planning.

I am trying to appreciate how difficult it must be to schedule the last month of school for seven schools in the district. But I am just so sick of missing out on my kids’ school activities — not because I work for a draconian company and can’t take time off, but because I don’t get enough notice and information to manage my coworkers, my clients and my career.

Working parents, especially mothers, have to consciously manage perceptions at work. If we are serious about our careers, and I am because it’s what  feeds my kids (and pays the theatre fees), we need to be seen as dedicated to the job. Yes, it has become more acceptable to work from home on the day of a school event or hold a conference call while driving to meet the bus, but it’s a fine line. We are constantly seeking the right balance of work and family.

Back to school, for example, is another busy time of year. There are orientation meetings, curriculum nights, fundraisers, and parent teacher conferences (which in my town are held during the school -and therefore work- day per the teachers’ contracts). When a savvy working mother picks and chooses which of those events she will attend, she is also thinking about any contingency days she may need for sick days and snow days too. She is constantly weighing the risk/rewards for every decision she makes to be at work or at home. Where is the greater payoff – the client call or the teacher conference? What carries a higher penalty – miss the meeting or miss the field trip?

True, no one will lie on their death bed and wish they had picked the meeting over the school play, but many will lie awake in their own beds at night wondering how to make more money in order to help pay for their child’s education. And for this working mother, right now, my children’s education feels like my biggest career challenge.

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Exclude Fathers at Your Own Risk

May 31, 2011
By Hello Ladies


Following a New York Times article about the wildly popular Golden Gate Mothers Group (GGMG) excluding dads, The Skinny Scoop asked people to weigh in on the decision. Half of the respondents answered the decision was “perfectly fine with them” because women should be able to form exclusive groups.

A reaction to the years of men-only clubs? Maybe. A conviction that clubs should be able to do what they want? Perhaps. Is it legal for the Golden Gate Group to bar men? That’s up for interpretation. Is it a good idea? We say no.

It’s 2011, ladies. Women aren’t the only primary caregivers out there. According to the 2010 U.S. Census Bureau there are 154,000 stay at-home fathers. Can they start their own groups? Sure, and in fact, they do. And is there a need for girl talk separate from guy talk? Heck, ya. But we believe there is a greater need for women and men to get together and work on the tough issues parents in today’s society phase.

At a basic level, all parents, and their children, can benefit from information about playgroups- one of the key selling points of the GGMG. And stay at home dads need product recommendations, advice about communicating with teachers or homework tips just as much as moms do. Why not expand the group and get input from the broadest group possible? Isn’t that the same argument we  make for why companies and governments need diverse leadership teams?

At a more complex level, stay-at-home parents, and their working spouses, are affected by legislation and corporate policies like family sick leave, equal pay and  maternity and paternity leave. So just as we advocate for busting the gender barriers in the office so that we can address these issues, we must advocate for busting these barriers at home. Legal or not, excluding father’s is short-sighted.

On a personal level, as the wife of a stay-at-home-father, it’s in my family’s best interest for men and women to stop structuring the world around outdated gender roles and just get together and make things happen. I need that at work, and I need that at home.

At the beginning of the school year, my husband kept to himself when he took our kids to the playground, and my children were affected. Because he didn’t have relationships with the other parents (99 percent mothers), my children had fewer play dates, my family had no backup options for drop-offs and pickups, and I didn’t get any good gossip (just kidding, sort of).

Fast forward nine months and my husband has charmed the mothers (his words, not mine). Our family is in the loop – we have carpool coverage, homework help, even a social life – albeit a kid-centric one. And the women he’s befriended? They benefit from my husband’s unique perspective on parenting, his relaxed attitude about housework, his extreme couponing skills, and mostly his menu planning tips honed during his years working in the food service industry. Minor issues to some, but its the beginning of a gender-diverse ecosystem in which we are raising our children – one that reflects the realities of today’s modern families.

So to bastardize paraphrase Groucho Marx, “I don’t want to belong to any parenting group that wouldn’t accept my husband as a member.”

 

 

MLB Adds Paternity Leave Policy

April 22, 2011
By Hello Ladies
Richie Whitt

Richie Whitt

A Major League Baseball player took paternity leave and another April fool was revealed.

Following Texas Rangers pitcher Colby Lewis’ decision to be present at the birth of his child instead of pitching a game, Dallas Observer writer Richie Whitt expressed his displeasure.

Whitt wrote, “Baseball players are paid millions to play baseball. If that means “scheduling” births so they occur in the off-season, then so be it. Of the 365 days in a year, starting pitchers “work” maybe 40 of them, counting spring training and playoffs.

If it was a first child, maybe. But a second child causing a player to miss a game? Ludicrous.”

Wow. Whitt’s column, even if it was just intended to grab attention, makes it easier to understand why women, and mothers in particular, face discrimination at work. Clearly, the attitude that childbirth and parenting is great but… is deep-rooted. I am reminded of one former boss who told me how annoyed she was that I got pregnant. She worked very hard running the company, she told me, and because of my due date, she would have to reschedule her vacation. Oh, and by the way, no bonus for me that year.

I get the challenges a business owner faces managing interruptions and workforce shortages. I do. I’ve managed enough teams and picked up slack enough times to know it hurts. But that comes with being a manager, or a business owner. And taking those positions is a choice. And, when you look at the lifetime value of an employee, is one game, or in my case, 8 and half weeks of unpaid leave, really that significant? When you consider, in the corporate world anyway, the cost of losing an employee, then rehiring, and retraining a replacement, isn’t it better to make accommodations? Or consider the employee doesn’t leave. They stay, bitter and disgruntled. That costs too. Think of Nomar in the 2004 Red Sox clubhouse. Which leads us back to baseball.

I get the passion for the game. I do. I’ve been a member of Red Sox Nation since birth. And as fans we get swept up and forget our favorite team is made up of real people with lives outside the ball field. That’s part of what makes it fun. Sports allow us to escape reality and be part of a game we have no ability to actually play.  But in reality, sports are big business. And those businesses must address the same work/life challenges any other business faces.

It’s important to note many of the commenters to Whitt’s piece disagreed with what he wrote and supported the leave. That’s encouraging. Less encouraging were those who supported Lewis’ decision because it’s only April. September, now that would have been a different story. And this is baseball with approximately 30 starts. But a quarteback in the NFL? Also a different story.

I think it’s the exact same story. But then again, I don’t know nothin’ bout football.

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Photo from sportressofblogitude.com used with Creative Commons Attribution License.

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